Beyond the Mask Read online

  “Nothing thanks. I’m not hungry.” I went out of the kitchen and spent the morning moping around, reading and walking aimlessly into Anna’s room. Then I made a decision. After lunch I donned my hat, leather gloves and my warm winter jacket. When I walked downstairs, I watched Mrs Williams walking towards me with a stunned expression on her face.

  “Where are you going?” she questioned and the animosity for me was reflected in her eyes.

  “Just for a walk around the garden.”

  “But, but Doctor Trinette said you were not to venture outside into the cold, that you...”

  “Nonsense, its spring now, almost summer. I’ve got warm clothes on. No cold can get in. Excuse me please.” I moved to walk past her and she finally and reluctantly backed out of my way. It felt good, like somehow I’d taken my power back again. As I neared the front door I sensed her eyes drilling into my back but I didn’t look around.

  Outside the cold air whipped my face, the only part of my skin showing and I walked slowly down the long twisting driveway, stopping every few minutes to smell the daffodils growing everywhere, in case I was being watched from the house. A sense of tremendous freedom swept over me and I almost laughed aloud at the joy of it. I heard the call of a Tui in the trees and bush surrounding the driveway and it sent a thrill of pleasure through me. Ferns and bushes were massed everywhere and beautiful blossoms from all the fruit trees in the ground. In a few more months the garden would be a vivid splash of colour amongst all the greenery. In summer and late spring they would be a vibrant and spectacular display.

  I turned the corner that was hidden from the house and again checked that I wasn’t being followed. Up to now I’d deliberately dawdled and stopped so often that Mrs Williams would have been sick of watching me. I’d even stopped and nonchalantly stooped and picked some daffodils. Now I threw them into one of the gardens, hidden from the driveway and began to run. Once I’d begun to run it soon became apparent to me just how weak I’d become. I now felt incredibly weak but I had to be free for just awhile.

  If I’d known what Nicholas was up to I would have run anyway but I wouldn’t know what he was up to until much later.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Nicholas stopped the car and used his cell phone. He spoke quickly and then drove off again. He talked to Anna constantly and she was happy and loved being in the car. A few more kilometres and they were at their destination. He parked in the car park and put his arms out to his daughter. He waited a few minutes, holding her and talking to her and then he saw Peter Trinette walking towards him looking serious and very professional.

  “Good morning, Peter.”

  “Nick.” Peter chucked Anna under her chin and she grinned at him with her ready smile. “I’ve made arrangements so we won’t be disturbed. Please Nick, don’t get your hopes up. I warned you but…”

  “That’s enough! Come on, I’m ready to face it now. I can’t wait any longer.”

  Peter led the way down to the side entrance and then gestured for Nicholas to wait for a few minutes while he checked there was nobody around. He unlocked the door and led Nicholas inside. Once inside he unlocked a second door and they entered a small dark room furnished with a bed and a small chest of drawers. The windows were heavily barred, banning much of the light from the room. On the bed sat a young woman in her late twenties with vacant eyes staring ahead of her. She didn’t appear to notice she had company.

  Nicholas stood in front of her with Anna in his arms. The baby was quiet as if she knew something important was going on.

  “Let me talk to her first, Nick.” Peter bent down to his knees and looked up at the woman so he could watch her face. “Anna, Anna. I have a visitor to see you. Your husband is here and he’s brought your little daughter to see you as well. Anna, your baby is here with Nick.”

  A frown appeared on her face and the two men held their breath. It was just a flick of movement and then it was gone. The vacant dull look stayed in her blue eyes and she didn’t move.

  “Anna, here Anna, look, it’s our little girl.” Nicholas held the baby out to her but the eyes remained empty. No response. Nicholas felt desperate now. “Anna, Anna darling, we called her Anna after you.” Tears coursed down his face and baby Anna wriggled and began to cry as Nicholas’ hold on her tightened.

  “It’s no use Nick. Come on we must go now. Anna has to see her therapist in twenty minutes and the nurse will be here before then to prepare her. Nick, we have to go now!” Peter had to take his arm and lead him out into the corridor, locking the door as he went. Little Anna was crying desperately now and they hurried outside.

  “Nick I warned you but you wouldn’t be told. She’s too far gone. All the experts agree with me. She’ll be like this for the rest of her life. Can’t you just accept that?”

  “Never! I will never accept it. Once she’s back home she’ll remember. She’ll remember what we had together.”

  “You know that’s not true. I explained it all to you. If Anna had been the real mother of your daughter there’d have been a huge risk of this happening to her as well. You know I can’t let you go on with this. You have to start a new life. Isn’t it enough that you’ve committed bigamy? I can’t let you...”

  “We will go ahead with the plan and that’s final,” said Nicholas with gritted teeth. “You know that if you betray me I will make it public about your former life and that will be the end of your career. I will do anything to have Anna back. I don’t care what it takes.”

  “Even blackmail of a close friend Nicholas? For that’s what this is.” Peter’s white skin became even paler as the two friends eyeballed each other. Peter looked away first. “All right,” he said duly. “We’ll do it Monday. I’ll come down Saturday night and we’ll go over everything in detail.”

  Chapter Seventeen

  As I walked up the unfamiliar driveway I looked up and saw a figure watching me through the large picture window. As I trudged closer the figure disappeared and in a few minutes I saw him come through the front door. He ran to meet me and caught me as I stumbled in my rush to get to him. He held me as I regained my balance.

  “Are you all right?”

  “Yes just weak and tired. I had to come, I...” I struggled to breathe.

  “Come inside. Rest before you talk. You look ready to collapse. It’s warm inside.” He took my gloved hand and led me inside and the immediate warmth coursed through my body. After taking some deep breaths I unbuttoned my jacket and he helped me remove it. Then I sat down almost falling as I did so. I remained quiet while he removed my hat and gloves and then he put the kettle on and made me a hot sweet cup of tea and it was just what I needed. He sat down on a chair opposite me.

  “What’s happened, Kimberley? I tried to come and check up on you but there were always excuses. You were asleep, Nicholas had taken you to New Plymouth or...”

  “I haven’t been off the property since I had Anna.” He looked shocked.

  “I thought at least you have the cell phone and that you must be ok.”

  “The cell phone was taken from me even though I hid it.” My breathing was still ragged but I felt safe here. “I had to come. Oh I know this sounds crazy but my birthday was two weeks ago and no one remembered, not even me. And I’ve been nowhere. I see nobody but Mrs Williams and she hates me.” I knew it was all coming out in a rush. “She can’t hide it, she used to watch my every move and I didn’t do anything but today I just had to get away even if only for a short time. I just had to! I made out I was just picking flowers and strolling around the garden. Anna’s with Nicholas and I just couldn’t bear another day with my baby not there and nothing to do. She won’t worry yet but I will have to go back soon.”

  “There’s no way I’ll let you walk back. You’re exhausted. It’s a long way Kimberley.”

  “She’ll know if you drive me. She mustn’t know I’ve been here. She spies on me.”

  “Then I’ll drive you to the gate. You’re worn out.”

  “Joh
n, something is happening. Some plan but I can’t figure it out. I don’t know what’s going to happen.”

  “I think you should come here with Anna where you’ll both be safe. I’ll talk to Nicholas.”

  “No John. He’s my husband. I can’t leave because of Anna. Sometimes he acts as if he does love me.”

  “He’s a damn fool if he doesn’t!”

  Suddenly I heard the sound of a loud tapping. I’d not known any one else was here and it startled me. I jumped.

  “It’s all right Kim. It’s my mother. She’s staying here for a couple of weeks. She saw you coming and wants to meet you. After that, I’ll drive you back to your gate.” He paused and waited for his mother to join them. “Mum, this is Kimberley Seerdon, Nicholas’ wife, Kimberley, Mrs Ascott.”

  “Call me June, dear. We don’t need to be formal here. I don’t see too well. Do you mind coming closer so I can see you.”

  “Not at all.” I trusted this woman on sight.

  “Goodness you’re exactly like Anna Seerdon. Just as John said,” she blurted out. “Oh please forgive an old lady dear. I had quite forgotten how that fact may grieve you.” She took my hand.

  “It’s all right Mrs, ah, June. It’s something I learned early on in my marriage. Of course I forgive you.”

  “Thank you, dear.”

  I could not resist bending forward and kissing the old lady’s cheek. Her skin was wrinkled and withered but her eyes, even though she didn’t see as well, were bright and her mind sharp. Her white hair was sparse and I noticed there was nothing sad about her. Her spirit seemed indomitable and she behaved in ways that appeared to reflect a great will to live. She may be an old lady and aware of her limitations but she was truly alive.

  As I sat with John and his warm hearted mother, we talked about wonderfully trivial things and the warmth and family feeling of this house made me wish I could stay here forever. This was a huge farmhouse, warm and cosy. Ascott property by ordinary standards was big but was dwarfed by Glen Fern Stables and land. Even though Nicholas and John were technically neighbours, they lived some distance apart because of the vastness of the Seerdon property. I was so glad I didn’t have to walk all the way back again. It would have taken me ages and Mrs Williams would have definitely known I’d done a runner. But my baby girl drew me back and strangely the hope of a lovely birthday dinner with Nicholas.

  In my mind I harked back to the romantic early days when I’d been so happy. It hadn’t lasted long but we’d had a baby girl together and I’d had such high hopes. My thoughts turned again to the home I was in, if only for a short time and the friendliness of John and his mother. Normal. This place seemed normal. The people here were normal. This house and these people were loving, but my own house was dark and forbidding, despite the beautiful luxury of everything surrounding us there. After a short time John noticed my restlessness and knew it was time to drop me home.

  “I want you to do something for me Kimberley.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Here.” He held out a cell phone to me. “I bought it yesterday in the hope that Mum would learn to text but when we tried it, she couldn’t see well enough to do it. Keep it on you or hide it somewhere safe.” He quickly showed me the slight differences from the one he’d given to me before. “I want you to text me at 10am, 3pm and 8pm every day.”

  “But why?”

  “Because if I don’t hear back from you within 20 minutes or so I’ll come. I’ll know you need help. Will you do that? Please?”

  “Do as he asks Kimberley dear,” said his mother before I even had a chance to answer. “We both feel that you may need some help in the future. Please accept the help even if it is just to appease an old lady.”

  I looked at John and at his mother and knew they genuinely cared for me and my daughter and that they also knew Nicholas from way back. I felt like bursting into tears at their concern but nodded and took the small cell phone and after putting it on silence and locking it, I put it into my jacket pocket.

  “It’s the only way we can know you are safe, Kimberley. Nicholas doesn’t want me over there and has made that very clear.”

  Time was slipping away. I hugged June and John helped me on with my jacket and handed me my gloves and hat. As we drove the distance between the two properties I felt more and more depressed. I had been free for a couple of hours and now I had to return, for my daughter and maybe, just maybe I’d got it all wrong. Maybe there was no plan but I couldn’t shake off an eerie feeling that seemed to pervade my spirit. The things I’d thought I’d dreamed because of my illness would now and then invade my thoughts like flashbacks and that was happening to me now. A memory of me bound and gagged and in a dark cupboard flashed through my mind and I shivered. We’d reached the driveway and John said goodbye with such a tender and concerned look on his face that I wanted to cry and beg him to save me and my daughter. John didn’t wear a mask. I could almost tell by looking at him what he was thinking and feeling. I could never do that with Nicholas. I never knew what he was thinking.

  I turned and laid a hand on John’s arm. “Thank you for everything, John. I couldn’t stand it if I didn’t have you as a friend.” I reached over and quickly kissed his cheek, noticing how nice he smelt. He was taken aback but smiled.

  “Will you text me tonight around 8?”

  “I can’t, John, because Nicholas is wining and dining me for my birthday. I won’t be able to slip away to text. I promise I’ll text you at 10 in the morning.”

  “Ok. Have a lovely birthday night. You deserve it.” He hopped out of the vehicle to help me out.

  “Thank you, John. Goodbye and thanks so much.” I waved goodbye as John’s vehicle drove off and then I walked slowly up the long driveway. I so wanted to have a special time tonight. I wanted Nicholas to make a fuss over me, sip champagne and enjoy a romantic evening but it was a farce and I felt confused and uncertain, not wanting to feel this way but fear was rising up in me unbidden and I felt as if something terrible was going to happen. I so needed to see Anna.

  Chapter Eighteen

  “Hello darling. Sorry I’m late but I have something special for you.” He held out a beautifully wrapped gift to me and I received it eagerly. Much to my astonishment Nicholas bent and kissed me and despite myself I responded as he seemed so pleased to be with me. “Happy birthday, darling. I know it’s late but I really want you to have a wonderful celebration tonight.” He began to kiss me again but I was distracted. I didn’t push him away but I pulled my lips away from his.

  “Thank you Nicholas. Where’s Anna?”

  “I took her straight upstairs. She was still asleep and didn’t stir...”

  “Can I see her first please, Nick? I missed her so much.”

  “Of course.” I looked at his face but he seemed amiable and seemed to understand I’d need to see her in order to relax and enjoy our special night.

  Anna lay asleep with her favourite teddy bear beside her on the pillow. Her feet had kicked free of her blankets. I tucked her in and bent down to kiss her goodnight. Nicholas had gone into our bedroom to change for dinner. When I entered our room Nicholas had put on a beautiful silk cream shirt over close fitting dress trousers. As he bent over to put on his shoes I watched him. His shirt buttons were undone and his muscles rippled as he moved. I felt so unsure of myself that instead of walking over to him and holding him close I carefully sat on the bed and untied the scarlet ribbon and unwrapped the silver paper. Inside was a box and my fingers trembled as I opened it. Inside, under tissue, was a beautiful long cream silk negligee. It was so delicate and exquisite that I couldn’t help but stroke the garment. Underneath was a beautiful matching silk jacket edged with the same delicate lace.

  I stood and held it up to me and saw it was perfect for my colouring and my figure. “Nicholas, it’s beautiful. I love it. Thank you.” I put it on the bed and went over to him. I felt like a silly schoolgirl, so shy and so unsure of myself. “May I kiss you?” I whispered.


  “I am your husband.” He received my kiss and then continued buttoning up his shirt. “Try it on. I want you to wear it tonight for me. Janet’s not around. I’ve given her the rest of the evening off. I told her we were not to be disturbed. Wear it, Kimberley, for me.”

  I couldn’t believe it. Nicholas was being so attentive and romantic. I picked up the lingerie and took them into the ensuite. I had showered earlier and couldn’t wait to see how my present from my handsome husband fitted me. When I put the nightie on and looked in the mirror I felt amazing. It was low cut and fitting and I loved the feel of it on my body.

  I touched up my makeup and as I did so I could smell a lingering fragrance coming from the fabric of the nightie. An elusive scent that I wondered if I was imagining but when I moved the smell was definitely there.

  When I went back to our bedroom, Nicholas had already gone downstairs. I grabbed my strappy high heeled sandals and before I went downstairs brushed my hair. I felt excited and nervous and for the first time in a long time, I couldn’t wait to hold my husband and to be held by him.

  I felt a sense of unreality as I walked slowly down the staircase. Suddenly I thought of when I walked down these steps on my wedding day. I felt saddened by all that had happened since then but as I saw Nicholas waiting for me at the bottom of the staircase just as he had that day, a feeling of great love for him swept over me. He looked amazing, so handsome. He watched me as I came towards him. I couldn’t read his expression. New hope filled my heart. Perhaps this was the start of the new. Maybe Nicholas really did love me after all.

  He took my arm and led me into the dining room. The glow of the candles cast shadows in the room and though the room was warm, I suddenly felt a shiver run through me. Classical music played softly in the background and Nicholas led me to a chair at the table laid for two.