Beyond the Mask Page 4

  “Go ahead.”

  “Are you – does Nicholas treat you well?”

  “Why do you ask me?”

  “I’m not a nosey person. I care about Nicholas and I care about you.” He hesitated. “I just feel I have to ask you this.”

  “He treats me fine,” I said guardedly.

  He nodded his head. “I just want you to know that if you ever need help, remember I’m only a phone call away.”

  I thanked him politely and said goodbye to him. I knew he wanted to say something else and that he was weighing it up.

  “Look, I think there is something wrong with Nicholas and it’s important you know it’s not your fault. If he should ever hurt you, ring and I’ll come.”

  I was too stunned to try and deny the truth. I felt relieved that there was one person in the whole wide world who had somehow guessed my predicament. I still believed everything would be ok but I felt relief at the same time.

  When John had gone I went back outside to retrieve the bunch of statice I had left behind. I found them mangled in a pile along with the beautiful rosebuds I’d picked. I turned and went back inside the house and saw that there were flowers in the entrance way as usual and there was no statice and no red rosebuds. My feelings of being mistress of Glen Fern disappeared along with the flowers I’d picked earlier.

  Chapter Six

  I woke suddenly and instinctively put my hand on my stomach. I sensed I was still alone and put my bedside light on. Nicholas was not there. I looked at my bedside clock. It was 2am. Peter Trinette had been staying the weekend and I presumed they were still drinking and talking.

  I felt uncomfortable and needed to go to the toilet so I crept out of bed and into the adjoining ensuite. I felt wide awake now so I came back past our bed and into the adjoining nursery which awaited the birth of my baby. I switched on the light and looked at the pretty lemon walls, the blue curtains and the bassinette draped in pale blue. Nicholas’ choice. I loved the lemon walls but would have preferred white or pale pink around the bassinette, though I’d never say.

  It was a still night and I could hear a faint murmuring of voices coming from downstairs. I crept downstairs and found the voices were coming from Nicholas’ study and the door was closed. I felt shocked at myself even as I crept to the side of the door. If I was caught I did not know what would happen.

  “Do you think she suspects anything Nick?”

  “Why should she?”

  “We have to be careful. I don’t agree that we should change our plans. It’s too dangerous. We should stick to what we agreed in the first place.”

  “Look Trinette! You will do what I say. Just remember who set you up in the first place.”

  “I know that Nick. But we must be rational about this or otherwise we’ll fail. You don’t want to jeopardise what you’ve worked so hard to get.”

  “Damn it Peter! Rational! My God, man you know what this means to me.”

  “Take it easy Nick. You don’t want to wake the household. Now let’s go over it once more.”

  Suddenly I felt a dampness where I crouched uncomfortably by the door listening. My eyes had become accustomed to the dimly lit hallway and I saw a damp patch of water at my feet. At first I couldn’t work it out, my mind was in turmoil at what I’d just heard but then reason took over. My waters had broken.

  I slowly got to my feet and crept to the bathroom down the hall by the stairwell. I grabbed the towel and dabbed at my wet dressing gown and crept back to quickly mop up the wet patch by the door, terrified I would be caught there. I remembered to throw the wet towel into the hamper in the downstairs bathroom.

  My thoughts raced ahead, planning on what to do. I walked upstairs to our bedroom and with difficulty changed into dry clothes. Then I went down the hall, past the guest rooms on both sides until I reached Mrs Williams’ rooms. No way was I going to burst in to Nicholas’ office after what I’d heard. Never would I have chosen to wake Mrs Williams either but she seemed the lesser of the two evils. I knocked and called to her.

  “What is it?” She seemed awake instantly and she opened the door to me. She wore a dark dressing gown around her thin body and her hair was down and much longer than I realised.

  “Mrs Williams, my waters have broken. Nicholas is not up here and I’ll need to go to the hospital.”

  “I’ll fetch him.” It was said in her usual icy manner but I didn’t care. My baby would be born soon. My baby. There would be purpose to my life once more.

  Nicholas came immediately. He gave me a huge affectionate hug and I was taken aback. His voice was kind and he grabbed my suitcase and took my arm to lead me carefully downstairs.

  It seemed to take forever to drive to the private hospital in New Plymouth where I was to have my baby. Nicholas talked most of the way there. He was so excited about the baby’s imminent birth and I was quiet, too exhausted to say much.

  It was a relief when we arrived. I was taken to a lovely light, well decorated room in the expensive clinic and helped into the crisp clean sheets. Labour had not begun and so I slept. I didn’t hear Nicholas leave in the early hours of the morning. He’d return once labour started.

  ................................................

  “Mrs Seerdon, you have a beautiful baby girl.” I could hardly take it in. Exhausted after a very long labour I waited for the sister in charge, once the doctor had gone, to show me our little girl. Nicholas had been watching the sister tend to the new born infant, totally ignoring me and I was devastated. I still needed him to care about me but he stared at the baby, oblivious to anything else.

  “Can I see her?”

  “You can hold her now Mrs Seerdon.” I reached out my arms and no words could describe what I felt for this wonderful gift, this tiny, helpless scrap of humanity.

  “She’s 8lb. 13oz, and healthy. You did well. Congratulations.” Her kind words touched me deeply.

  “Nicholas, she is so beautiful. What shall we call her?”

  “Anna, after my mother of course. You can choose her middle name.”

  I was too tired to argue, too disappointed in the fact that he wanted to call our baby after his first wife. I said nothing. If only I had the courage to speak out then and change her name but I was emotionally upset and physically wiped out.

  “Am I allowed to hold her?” asked Nicholas.

  “Of course Mr Seerdon. Fathers are encouraged to bond with their babies as much as the mothers these days.” The sister beamed at him. “A nurse will be in shortly with a cup of tea for you both and then Mrs Seerdon will need to be cleaned up and have some rest.

  With infinite gentleness, Nicholas picked his daughter up and held her as if she was the most fragile piece of china. How I wished he would adore me the way he already adored our little baby.

  A fair haired nurse who looked to be in her forties came into my room and placed a tray on the bedside table beside me.

  “Here you are, tea for two. We like to leave you both alone for a bit before we get you ready for the night, Mrs Seerdon. I’ll be back in about twenty minutes.” Nicholas watched her as she left the room and then he surprised me by bending and kissing me tenderly.

  “Thank you Kim. Thank you for giving us a beautiful little girl.”

  “You helped you know Nicholas. I didn’t do it myself.” A shutter came over his face as soon as I’d spoken, totally ruining the intimate moment we’d just shared.

  We drank our tea in silence. Just before the nurse returned I asked him when I could come home.

  “As soon as Anna is feeding properly.”

  Four days after Anna’s birth I was allowed to come home. Nicholas was kind to me but virtually ignored me when Anna was with me. I loved our baby but began to feel very depressed. I’d pinned my hopes on things being better but nothing had changed and I didn’t know what was going on.

  I relished the time with my daughter. She seemed such a contented little baby, which surprised me, for I’d had some shock while carrying her. I
’d been worried about the effects on her but she was feeding and sleeping well. I was so glad to be able to feed her myself, one thing Nicholas couldn’t do.

  One night, two weeks after I’d come home, Nicholas came in for dinner and I was feeding Anna. “Kim, dinner is ready. Mrs Williams is ready to dish up.”

  “Anna hasn’t finished feeding. I’ll have mine later.”

  “You look pale. I’m concerned about you. I think that breast feeding is too much for you. Anna needs to be put on the bottle.”

  “No!” I was shocked at the vehemence in my voice. “I’ve plenty of milk. I’m going to breast feed her for as long as I can.”

  “How long do you plan to feed her?”

  I frowned at him, puzzled. “Until she can drink out of a cup.”

  “Well, how old are babies when they can do that?”

  “Six, seven months I think, maybe longer. Why?”

  “I was thinking of your health. You look washed out. Anyway, I’ll tell Mrs Williams you’ll be down later.” He turned to go and then added, “Oh by the way, Peter Trinette is coming up for the weekend.”

  “Oh not again!” Nicholas looked shocked at my outburst.

  “I will thank you to remember that this is my house and if I want someone here, I will!”

  “I’ve only been home a short time,” I snapped and then the tears came and I couldn’t stop them. He picked Anna up from my arms and laid her over his shoulder to burp her.

  “What’s wrong Kim?” His voice was tender but I knew he hated tears. I said nothing but the tears kept coming. He lay Anna gently into her bassinette and then put his arms around me, bringing me to my feet and holding me tight. I lay my head on his shoulder.

  “I am really concerned about you. Look at the state you’re in. You’re so tired and snappy. Maybe you need to wean Anna. Then I could help feed her.”

  I wanted to stay in his arms and be comforted. I craved affection but I broke free from his arms. “No! I’m going to feed her myself.”

  He stared at me then he walked out of the room. I bent over our little girl and touched her dark hair. A tear fell on to her face and she stirred but didn’t wake.

  “Oh Anna, you’re the only good thing about this marriage.”

  After Anna’s six o’clock feed I went downstairs and went into the lounge. I knew Peter had arrived as I’d heard the buzzer resound around the house half an hour before. What did surprise me was seeing John Ascott with them.

  “Hello Peter, John. I won’t stay long. I just came in to say goodnight.”

  “Stay Kimberley. Have a drink with us.”

  I was annoyed at Nicholas. He was being the attentive husband but I was too tired to respond. “I’m too tired. I’m sorry. I’ll just say goodnight.” Nicholas got up and kissed me on the cheek.

  “See you in the morning. Peter and I have business to discuss.”

  “I must be going too, Nick. Thanks for the drink. Oh don’t worry about seeing me out.” John left the room to go home.

  I went upstairs and checked Anna in the nursery and she was sleeping peacefully. I stood over her and gently stroked her face and her tiny rosebud mouth. I wanted to scoop her up and run from here but I had nowhere to go.

  I was almost asleep when I heard a voice. I jumped and sat up in bed alarmed.

  “Kimberley, don’t be afraid, it’s John.”

  With trembling fingers I turned on my bedside lamp.

  “I’m sorry to scare you. I don’t mean to intrude when you’re in bed but I didn’t know what else to do. Could we talk in the nursery? I’ll wait for you in there if you would just give me a few minutes of your time. Please Kim.”

  I was wide awake now. “Ok then. John this better be important because I don’t like this and you shouldn’t be here. Wait next door while I get dressed.” I spoke in a whisper because I was afraid Mrs Williams would materialise without us hearing her, or that Nicholas would come upstairs and find him here.

  I quickly put on the clothes I’d been wearing earlier and when I went into the nursery, John stood up from sitting on the armchair beside the bassinette.

  “Kim, I drove the car a way down the driveway so that when I leave they won’t hear me. I’ve been trying to find out who this Peter Trinette is. Now I know you don’t understand why I’m here and I don’t blame you. Nick and I were really close friends and he used to invite me here often. Now, he makes me welcome if I come but he never initiates it. I came uninvited after dinner and Nick was almost his old self until Trinette arrived. He changed immediately and I could tell he wanted me to go. Trinette is some kind of doctor. That’s all I’ve found out. He lives in Auckland. So far I haven’t been able to find out where he works or what business he and Nick have together. But I’m worried Kim. About you, about little Anna.” He paused. “Does he treat you right?”

  “He doesn’t mistreat me if that’s what you mean.” I wanted to tell him the truth. I knew I could trust him but I felt so afraid. My hands began to tremble and then the words just tumbled out. “John, I, I’m afraid. I heard Nicholas and Peter talking tonight. They’re planning something and I don’t know what...”

  “Shhh, someone’s coming.” He gently propelled me out of the nursery and into my bedroom and I grabbed a book and sat on my bed. Slow footsteps sounded on the staircase and then along the hall. When I looked up Mrs Williams stood in the doorway. She hesitated.

  “Mrs Williams, are you ok?”

  Her face was gaunt and she looked confused.

  “I, I do you wish anything before I retire? Nick asked me to inquire,” she said slowly and it seemed an effort for her to speak.

  “Nothing thank you. Goodnight Mrs Williams. I hope you sleep well.”

  She nodded her head, no warmth in her bleak grey eyes and she shuffled wearily away. John waited until the sound of Mrs William’s door was shut at the end of the hall.

  “After I spoke to you last time Kim, I was sure something’s going on.”

  I hesitated. I knew something was dreadfully wrong and now John was here offering help.

  “I don’t know what’s going on, John but I’m afraid. I don’t have the means of communicating. I have no access to Nicholas’ office and no cell phone and no use of a vehicle. I don’t go anywhere.” I felt incredibly disloyal but fear for my baby and our future gave me the ability to speak the truth and I felt so relieved someone knew of my plight.

  “I thought Nicholas married me because I look like his first wife but now, but now, oh John, I’m so afraid. It’s something to do with my baby. Peter Trinette and Nicholas have some sort of plan. I overheard them in the office. Do you know anything?” I felt agitated and began to shake.

  “Kimberley, why don’t you get Anna and I will take you to my mother in Wellington where you’ll be safe till you decide what to do.”

  “I can’t John. I know it’s crazy but I, I still love Nicholas. I wish I didn’t but I can’t just walk away. Nicholas would never harm Anna. He loves her.”

  “What about you Kim? Would he hurt you?” He looked me in the eye and I couldn’t answer him. He knew. I don’t know how he knew but he knew that I’d been hit by him.

  Neither of us said anything else for a few moments.

  “I must go before I’m found here. Take this Kim.” He handed me a cell phone. “My number’s on it. Night or day, if you need me, ring and I’ll find a way to help. Hide the phone.” He said goodbye and walked stealthily away.

  I tried to still the trembling that had overtaken me. I sat down and tried to think. I looked at the cell phone and tried to think of a good hiding place for it. My heart was racing and I almost dropped the phone as my hands shook uncontrollably. I couldn’t think straight. Then I thought of a place Nicholas would never look and pulled out one of my many shoe boxes, tucking the phone under the tissue paper, under the shoes. Even then I did not put the shoe box on the top but placed it three boxes down.

  A weariness crept over me and I undressed and put on my silk pyjamas and crep
t thankfully into bed, too tired to try and sort out my jumbled thoughts right now.

  Chapter Seven

  My eyes opened and I bolted upright, my ears alert, my heart thumping in terror.

  I had heard a dreadful noise that terrified me. My eyes adjusted to the darkness and I fumbled with the lamp beside the bed.

  I heard it again. A low, menacing howl, an unearthly sound that filled me with such terror, I was too afraid to move. I reached out to shake Nicholas but there was only an empty space. I screamed and screamed again as the noise outside continued incessantly. The light came on. Nicholas, clad only in boxers, reached for me.

  “What is it? What’s wrong?” Sobs tore from me and I was enclosed in his arms.

  “That noise! Oh Nicholas I was so afraid.”

  “What noise? I heard nothing.”

  I pushed myself away from him. “You must have heard it. Where were you?”

  “In the shower. I had just turned the water off when I heard you screaming. You must have dreamed it.”

  “I heard it when I was awake. I couldn’t have imagined it. I heard a terrible noise and I was fully awake and it kept coming and ...” Trembling began in my limbs as I saw the disbelief on his face. “You wouldn’t have heard it in the shower,” I whispered.

  “I’d finished when you screamed. Where did this noise come from?”

  “From outside, but it seemed so close.”

  “I’ll go outside and have a scout around.”

  “No, don’t leave me by myself!” I pushed myself back in his arms, aching to feel comforted, protected, as a child clings to a parent when it is hurt or afraid. Nicholas had no idea how to comfort me and soon fell asleep.

  For hours I lay there trying to sleep and even with Nicholas lying beside me, my fears were not alleviated. The moment I heard Anna make a slight noise, I jumped out of bed, thankful that it was dawn.